There, I Said It!
Like a gift, it made me so happy to give him these three words.
October 18, 2019
“There, I said it,” he texted me after he asked me what I was doing on Friday night. Then four months later I said “I love you” to my Clark Kent (CK). Later that day I texted him, “There, I said it.”
For the first time in my life, I said those three words first. My entire life, I had been too scared to utter the words first – to put myself out there was so scary- I worried what the reaction might be. In some past relationships, I said “I love you too” when I didn’t really feel love at all. In those cases, I liked the person and didn’t want to hurt their feelings. This time, I didn’t say it expecting a response, I said it because I knew it to be true for me. Like a gift, it made me so happy to give him these three words.
After dating only the Superman types most of my adult life, I felt like a schoolgirl when I started dating CK this year. All of a sudden, I felt inexperienced and nervous. I could instantly tell he had no moves, he wasn’t playing games, and that meant I didn’t know what my next move should be. His transparency and vulnerability made me weak in the knees. He just kept showing up, expressing interest and smiling. I was floored, scared, but so curious about the handsome creature in front of me. Thank God, I listened to my gut and didn’t run away.
This is a new relationship, I know… the honeymoon period. I have no idea whether it is for a reason, a season or a lifetime, but I know it is changing me in profound ways.
You see from day one, we have been honest about everything! We share our fears and worries as readily as our accomplishments and hopes. We share our faith in God, in humanity and in positivity. We encourage the other to pursue interests, stay on task, and we relate and accept each other’s tendency to procrastinate sometimes and to hit the snooze button. We give each other the benefit of the doubt and assume the best in each other. We strive to be the best version of ourselves for each other.
At 52, being emotionally supported is now at the top of my needs. In case you are curious, he didn’t say those three words back. Not that day or for days after.
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