Is COVID-19 Making You Feel Lonely?
Think of this time with yourself as a great opportunity to reboot, upgrade, and delete some files that no longer serve you.
March 20, 2020
Maybe you are spending your seclusion organizing, resting and binge-watching your day away. But have you checked in with your feelings? I am not talking about the natural concern and uncertainty we are all feeling, I am talking about loneliness.
Is that little voice inside of you that normally whispers getting louder and saying, “I am tired of being alone!”. Is your singleness getting to you during this forced isolation? Your friends and neighbors are with their people, but where is your person?
Don’t fret, take this time to make a commitment to yourself. You can find your person, but it will take effort, courage and patience.
Depending on how long it’s been before you can start to do, you must first undo.
Think of this time with yourself as a great opportunity to reboot, upgrade, and improve future performance by deleting some files that no longer serve you.
It is natural to resist change, who wants to leap into the unknown? Well, take a look around today, if you do not change, you will continue to be alone. We all know Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity, “ doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”
Start by acknowledging your thoughts on dating. Without judgment and with self-compassion write down what you really think. It is okay if those thoughts sound negative, mean or sad. Put the paper down and take some deep cleansing breaths and tell yourself, it does not need to be like that anymore. Now turn inward, smile and go to the happy fantasy part of your brain and ask yourself this question: If it was two years from today, and I have to look back over those two years to today, what has to have happened (changed) for me to feel happy about my romantic relationship?” Write it down, even if it includes things that are impossible like – wake up and look like Brad Pitt.
Now for the reboot and shifting (the work). Let’s agree to move away from focusing on the outcome (being with someone) to feeling more satisfaction, less lonely, more joy and happiness. If you answered the two years from now question honestly, you already know most of the things that need to change.
Start here and examine your:
- Limiting Beliefs- we all have them and it’s time to acknowledge and change some of them. Go back to your writing on dating, recognize the beliefs you have about yourself, other people, and life in general that are keeping you from putting yourself out there and letting someone see and hear the real you. How true are these beliefs? Where did you get these ideas? What new beliefs can you replace them with? Practice visualizing and/or saying your new beliefs. Google limiting beliefs and get lost in the literature.
- Interpretations- we all make them and they are rarely factual. What are the stories you are making up about dating based on your past experiences? What is another possibility or view of the story you are telling yourself? What would someone with the opposite view to you say? Call a friend you trust and discuss this with them.
- Assumptions- we all make them and we know what happens when we assume (makes an ASS of U and ME). It is natural (and sometimes good for us) to assume that because something happened in the past, it will happen again. Hot stoves will burn us every time, but assumptions are rarely correct in dating. Every one of us is unique and every human interaction is different. It is impossible for us to know how our next interaction will look like or feel. Think about all the awesome interactions and relationships you have currently or have had in the past. What works/ed in those relationships? How can you learn from your healthy past and current relationships?
- The voice in your head- at iPEC Coaching, we like to call it a Gremlin. You know the voice that tells you that you’re not (tall, thin, rich, successful, sexy, funny) enough. Guess what, you are not only enough, you are perfect for someone.
This voice comes from fear. It tells you to play small, safe and not take risks. Think about it, you have likely been hurt, embarrassed, dumped, and stood up before and you are still alive! Fuck Fear, instead see FEAR as face everything and rise!
Remember, dating is a process and there will be setbacks, don’t give up. If you focus on the outcome, you will be disappointed often, instead trust that every action will lead to greater understanding and awareness. Become the person you would want to date because energy attracts like energy. If you are one of those people who has always avoided online dating now is your time to rethink that! Unfortunately for the foreseeable future, you are not going to meet your person organically or through a friend.
Do the work on yourself and put yourself out there! Your person is looking for you right now and they are lonely too.
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