Dating and Coronavirus
Your new person may not want to have personal contact with you at this time, so be aware of that.
March 13, 2020
Coronavirus panic may be driving you indoors, but is it killing your budding relationship too? No doubt this is a weird time, the uncertainty of what is going to happen next has us all anxious and wary of strangers. We all have Coronavirus in common and having something in common is a great launching point for getting to know someone on a deeper level. Communication and respect are key factors to riding out this pandemic with your potential partner. This virus is a hall pass to be more vulnerable and honest than we usually are when getting to know someone.
Everyone is processing this differently, your new person may not want to have personal contact with you at this time, so be aware of that. Below are some suggestions for both digital and in-person meet-ups that can help you get to know someone and remain safe.
If you’ve decided not to meet in person, then up your communication via phone, email, text and FaceTime.
Some emotional benefits of going on digital dates:
- You feel less isolated and you get to connect with someone.
- An opportunity to allow your words and actions to convey respect for yourself and for the other person. You get to share your truth and learn about the other person in a safe, healthy way.
- Tell your person (or people) why you’re choosing digital over in person (out of caution, etc.). This tells them you’re concerned about them and yourself. Explain to the person that this is not how you prefer to engage (setting the expectation of in person dates in the future).
- Show up fully, especially if you are doing a video date. Be mindful of your appearance and the background you are in. You can learn a lot about someone by paying attention to what they are wearing, eating, sipping on, what the background looks and sounds like. Likewise, you will be revealing the same about yourself, so tidy up your space, put on some decent clothes and have fun!
Brave and still meeting a first date in public?
First, follow all the advice we all are getting about being vigilant about the state of your own health. Be sure you’re aggressively keeping your person sanitized – that whole washing-your-hands thing. And ask them if they are safe. It’s okay to ask lots of questions around travel, exposure, risk factors. Ask all the questions before meeting them. You don’t want to discover they were in China last month after you shared a sushi roll.
- Arrange to meet in less crowded places, opt for an outdoor cafe instead of a crowded bar. Don’t invite them to your place because you think it is safer, they are still a stranger!
- If you’re making personal contact be cautious about shaking hands, coughs, sneezes, etc. You have heard all about this, so follow what you’ve been told. If you and your date are meeting because you both think it’s ok to do so, meet and say: “Are we fist or elbow bumping? I’m not going to shake your hand – just trying to be cautious these days.”
The problem with this in-person date is attraction! What if there is an attraction and you want to do more than elbow bump? Do you kiss, make out or more??
I have no idea what to say, apparently crises like this actually increase some people’s needs for intimacy. A segment of the population would rather be quarantined with a warm and sexy body than by themselves. Netflix, Postmates and intermittent sex is a draw for many. This crisis involves your health and theirs. Just be careful, honest and respectful. Make sure whatever you do, you can recall and laugh about it in the future.
My advice is “we don’t know what we don’t know” and “it’s better to be safe than sorry”. Download zoom or Skype and stay safe for now.
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